Articles

Effective Marriage Counseling

Following a research-based, clinically effective model for marital therapy, I have had vast positive experiences treating couples over the past twenty years.  Part of the effectiveness of the treatment model with which I work is due to the two-phase treatment model that I employ.  The first part of the work is an evaluation phase that consists of four sessions.  At the end of this phase, I identify the core problems in the marriage.  This often provides a clear sense of hope by outlining a treatment plan aimed at meaningful change.  The second phase, the marital therapy, then takes between 10 and 15 sessions, although some couples require fewer sessions, while others are seen for 20 or more sessions.

The evaluation phase goes as follows.  In my first session with the couple, I meet with both parties to develop an initial assessment of the state of the marriage.  The second and third sessions consist of individual meetings with each party.  In the fourth and final evaluation session, I provide feedback to the husband and wife together outlining six points: 1) I look at the reasons why each of them came to the marriage and look at the extent to which those reasons have remained the same for each of them, through the course of the marriage; 2) Next, I review with the couple each of their perspectives on martial life, and discuss the results of psychometric marital inventories that were completed earlier in the evaluation process; 3) Following that, I help each person understand how their parents’ marriage and their prior relationships play a role in their current marital difficulties;  4) Then, I articulate what I believe to be the core underlying problems in the marriage, allowing each party to feel validated for their own conscious perspectives on this, but also to hopefully bring to light underlying issues that give rise to those problems;  5)  Next, I provide the couple with a prognosis of the marriage based on two assessments I make in each party:  a desire to make their relationship work, and an ability to make a love relationship work; 6) Finally, I articulate a treatment plan.

In my treatment plan for effective marriage counseling, I often examine issues of attachment, so often expressed in a psychological “dance” of approach and avoidance.  Very often defining attachment issues is helpful to both persons in the marriage in their efforts to better understand how and in what way their own behaviors get in their way of being the husband or wife that they want to be.  My treatment plan also helps individuals identify a hierarchical order of problem areas that they want to address and the mechanisms to help them work on their issues.  I try to help each person work on their own issues, rather than hold out the hope that I’ll “fix” their spouse.   Finally, I try to help both the husband and wife recapture feminine and masculine attributes within themselves that fostered their initial attraction to, and subsequent deep love for, each other. 

I have often felt that my work with couples is among the most rewarding work that I do. Because of my post-doctoral training in child psychology, which occurred after having completed my training in marital therapy as part of my doctoral training in adult psychology, I have a very firm belief that the marital relationship serves as the soil in which children grow and develop.  So for couples who have children, when I treat a couple, I feel that I not only help the husband and wife develop a more satisfying and meaningful love relationship, I also believe that I help them enjoy the secondary gain of creating a home that serves as more of a sanctuary in which their children can grow up. As such, when couples do well with my care, I feel especially rewarded.

May 2007